Running stag excursions within the Philippines has led me to grasp that no matter issues the nation has, there are a minimum of three issues it has in abundance — lovely girl, lovely seashores and ladyboys (who aren’t at all times lovely).
These three components ought to present a fairly strong bedrock for the right bachelor get together, so it at all times surprises me that so many of our shoppers are decided to e book a pig for the night time.
By this, I don’t imply a figurative pig — as in a bigger, unattractive woman — or a well-roasted source of lechon, however an precise, dwelling, oinking, shitting pig.
You might ask “why would anyone want a pig to join them on a stag tour?”, to which I’d reply “great question”. It appears the overall concept is that the groom will get handcuffed to the animal and limitless hilarity ensues. But it’s a bit extra sophisticated than that, as I’ll talk about later.
But first, how do you purchase a child pig? In the provinces each second home has a pig on the market, but when we’re working an occasion in Manila or one other metropolis it’s fairly a problem. We should journey a minimum of an hour out of town (extra, when there’s site visitors), discover a pig on the market after which journey again with it.
Pigs aren’t at all times essentially the most assured of travellers, and liable to manifest their nerves by way of their bowels. We do our greatest to maintain them calm and completely happy, however accidents will occur.
So! What in regards to the logistics of really taking a pig out in town for a stag get together? People who don’t dwell within the Philippines, or another less-than-developed nation, are inclined to assume that something goes. Well, it doesn’t — and also you’d be exhausting pressed to search out a bar that welcomes livestock by way of its doorways.
This means discovering a approach to maintain the pig secure and completely happy outdoors our chosen venues.
Perhaps not surprisingly, for such a easy unskilled process it’s by no means tough to search out any person prepared to earn a few hundred pesos.
In Angeles we at all times search out our good friend Martin. If you’re accustomed to Fields Avenue, you’ll have seen him together with his withered legs pulling himself alongside on a skateboard. Not solely is he a very smart man and one of life’s true gents, he’s additionally what may very well be termed “a pig whisperer”. No sooner does he take charge of the porker than it curls up on his lap and falls quick asleep. He additionally has a knack to get the pig to tow him alongside, generally at astonishing pace.
Then, after the night time is over, we discover ourselves caught with a pig, which invariably finally ends up sleeping (and shitting) in a single of our homes.
But it’s not an excessive amount of of a drawback, there’s at all times any person planning a marriage ceremony or massive household occasion we’re completely happy to assist out. It’s at all times bitter-sweet — it’s tough to not get hooked up to the little chaps. As Winston Churchill as soon as mentioned: “I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. But pigs treat us as equals.”
It could be good to assume there’s a place for pigs to go (like that “mouse city” they inform the French dude about in The Green Mile) however let’s be life like — within the Philippines the perfect a pig can hope for is a respectable size of time of being fattened up earlier than transubstantiating into the glory of lechon.
Ahh, lechon. That culinary pinnacle of the Philippines — the one place on this planet the place individuals salivate moderately than giggle after they hear the phrase “spit roast”.
That is what you must order a pig for, and never for a bar crawl. But, having mentioned that, with our hard-won expertise of porcine administration, we’ll by no means refuse a consumer a piggy-wig, in the event that they’re actually positive it’s what they should make their night time particular.
Ben Johnson is a get together organiser with GNTours.